Believe me, if I could have pulled myself together, I would have. I can assure you, I didn't act that way for anyone's benefit, it simply happened. You build up wooden blocks or a house of cards too high, overload it, it topples. And just because you have different ways of dealing with it, doesn't make you right, and me wrong. It's just the way it goes. Judge me all you want, for all I care, you were never in my head at that moment in time, you were never exposed to the thoughts that played through my mind. Or the stress. You weren't the one thinking "maybe it's my fault he's sad, maybe the kindest thing I could do is leave him....one way or another.......". You weren't the one that had to see someone you love day in day out, in pain of a sort that isn't obvious. Just because it's in the head does NOT make it any less real. I was sick. Genuinely sick. And I pity you, because if you ever find yourself there someday, it'll be a shock. One of my friends posted a while ago - talking of a disability that people can't see but exists and makes her life difficult. It's much the same with things that go on in the head. It would have been so much easier if I had a leg in plaster or something that people could relate to. As it is, only those close to me have seen the damage.
